“While i smile at how you chase your dreams, i stopped and realised that i have given all up long ago..”
敏敏,放弃了就不要回头,继续走下去…
To say the truth, you have truly amazed me by your capability to love, to take care of me.
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On the other hand, i have never wanted to be involved in the so called drama of this.
I have been putting up with whatever things being said or done but this is kind of the last straw. I did not like what you said, nor what someone did. It feels really sucky when you get malign by something which you did not do nor thought about it in the first place.
I know that my actions have kind of resulted in you guys worrying and staying up and resulting in a domino effect after that, but i could not keep numb about my feelings anymore.
Insecurity, over-reliant, being manipulative. I have no idea why you are doing all this.
In the very first place, you can have him all to yourself, or rather, it is HIS freedom to choose what he wants to do. Why is his actions, his happiness under your control. It is precisely that he has been under your control and that is why he is not choosing now as what you kept forcing him to do. You are jealous that he found another happiness, you are jealous that he does not belong to you ONLY now, you are jealous that you are not being treated SPECIALLY. So what do you claim to be love? A self-centred, selfish person wanting him all by yourself and get upset that he actually feels happier now cause he found another form of happiness rather than being coped up in that little world of yours?
I dun see why you should not feel happy for him that he found another happiness. Shouldn’t you feel even happier that someone you care so much for is happier and living better now? Do you know that things would actually be better if you could actually share his happiness with him, rather than getting jealous over every single little thing?
And let me emphasize again, that i have NEVER EVER wanted to take over you in his heart, nor what you claimed to be between us. PLEASE, there are MORE things to just L-O-V-E between two people.
Get out of that little world of just simply L-O-V-E and be more mature, will you?
I sorted out my thoughts during the swim and run today.
And as much as it hurts, i have decided to give it up.
It marks the end of the search for it. I guessed the search has been too long, and i am getting really tired of it.
I do not want to hold on to something that has been long past and getting that upset over it. I have once given up one for the other, and now, i guess it is only time for me to give up the other for this one. I am not able to strike a balance between two and if this carries on, i know it will not do anyone good.
I believe i will get over it and thanks for believing in me too.
说一声加油 一切更美好
所有的悲伤 请往边靠
曾经流过的泪
湿了伤口 就让阳光晒干而褪
这一种加油 人人都需要
手牵手 我们一起赛跑
说好不见不散
每分每秒守候你到老
The beat goes on 时间它一直走
就像是Life goes on 这过程或许痛
不管顺流或逆流 你总得抬起头
让我们一起走 走过艰难和困惑
And i am really glad to have you all with me (: I love all the walks back, i love how we gaze at the sky and find the constellations in the sky- Orion, winter triangle, rabbit on the moon. I love the laughters and jokes we have to relieve ourselves. I love the childhood songs we sang together. I love how we play with tig tig and dumbo and how we claim that dumbo is being mistreated.
As much as life is really a pain in the ass now, life goes on.
We have come to terms with it, isn’t it?
One important thing about love is about accepting the other party for what he/she is. Hence, there is no need for the helplessness nor the inferiority when one felt that the other party seem to be able to help/provide your partner more with what he/she really needs.
Your partner loves you for who you are, isn’t it?
There is no need to try hard to please,— that would not be called love anymore. That would be just merely living up to the other party’s expectations.
If you want to see it long-term, do u plan to live up to the other’s party expectations for life and keep changing so as to suit his/her needs? How long can you or the relationship last then? How long do you plan to live with that mask?
And hence, the inferiority and helplessness is really what i want you to put aside.
Life is a pain in the ass. Seriously.
After talking to daddy… i realised how much i don’t understand guys now.
And all i want.. is that i dun want you to be hurt. No matter what, it still matters.
的确，朋友比情人好当..
到底喜欢一个人的感觉是什么。。曾几何时，我有过那种感觉？
Competition is coming and i need to be in the best condition. Seriously, this isn’t the time for the injury to come back. ARGH. This is frustrating.
I hate the word “busy” and i rem that i really hate it when u said that word, cos i know that u are avoiding something.. but yet.. somethings are really not within my control.
爱是一种情不自禁的表现。。但当你被理智完全地控制时，你的每一步成了唯有三思才后行的举动。。
你知道其实我也多么渴望能对爱情改观吗？
I need a space to breathe.
It’s scary to see lives being intertwined tgt and the pitfalls of too much dependency.
Water polo match was an eye-opener for me.
It makes me really feel like quitting swimming.
I felt particularly disturbed after receiving that message from him..
I am trying my best to make sure that no one gets left behind, no one feels hurt, no one feels left out. But yet i know, i seem to lose the balance soon, or am going to lose it soon.
You gave me the attention today, but yet, I did not reciprocate. I just wanted to make sure that everything goes on smoothly.
Like what i was telling him today, that we are at the prime of our youth, why are we stuck here, obeying all these rules and regulations, working our guts out for i duno what, and i really see no point in this rat race. But yet, we are stuck isn’t it.
I do really admire his courage though, to step out, to do what he likes, who cares abt screw-ups.
Perhaps this is the top school syndrome as so named, that this kind of courage will never be seen. And yet, it is this kind of courage that we should be looking for.
And i know i won’t be able to give up what i have built upon and gained, at this point of time, sadly?
你的爱，很幸福。。 (:
